​A few years ago, "What Is Love" was the most Googled phrase. There have been extensive research studies done on the question, and an overabundance of philosophers and theologists offering a plethora of fanciful interpretations.
 

The correct question seems to be… is love actually real or just a human construct that society tells us we should pursue? If what we believe to be love, is actually ‘real’, great! But if not, what should our relationship and desire to pursue it really be?
 

Before determining if love is real or a construct, we first need to begin with choosing a definition that most resinates with our personal viewpoint.

Definitions

Various definitions of love look something like:

• A strong feeling of affection

• Fondness, tenderness, warmth, intimacy, attachment, endearment

• A great interest and pleasure

• A profoundly fond, passionate affection

• A feeling of warm personal attachment

• Sexual passion or desire

• Feelings that range from the deepest interpersonal affection to the simplest pleasure
   

Many couples are confused between love and limerence. Both offer quite different experiences. Limerence is described as infatuation, a romantic attraction that includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies.

Evolution

From an evolutionary perspective it is believed that at the start of a relationship human beings produce a range of chemicals designed to attract and connect one person to another and strengthen the pair-bond. It is assumed that this chemical production is designed to ensure that adults attach to their young and the young are protected and cared for. Both the female and male perform complimentary roles that ensure the offspring are nurtured, protected and resources are provided for. Human brains are wired for securing a mate and our chemical production ensures this and therefore, the survival of the race.

The chemical cocktail involved in the process of falling in love includes Vasopressin, Oxytocin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Norepinephrine. Within the first 6 months of meeting a mate, studies show that these chemicals are higher in paired couples than in single people.

According to Dr Fred Nour, Neurologist and author of True Love: How to use science to understand love, these chemicals surge after the Mate Selection Stage One phase. Stage Two is the romance stage where love is blind, our pulse races, there’s a slight rise in anxiety and the union is exciting. This is the limerence phase. Enjoy the moment because the chemical production lasts for a relatively short time… two to three years at the most, less for many.

Many things impact on the production of these chemicals. Oxytocin levels can be naturally increased by lifestyle changes such as:

• Focusing on connecting and sharing with others

• Gift giving

• Meditating and activities that pamper the self

• Hugs and saying “I love you”

• Connecting with animals

Serotonin can be increased by introducing more complex carbohydrates, proteins, seeds, fruits and vegetables into your diet. But can also easily be depleted by other lifestyle choices such as: alcohol, artificial sweeteners, caffeine, cigarette smoking and dietary deficiencies.